it’s been real

in nine days this website will go away

i’ve been experiencing actual life lately and realizing how meaningless this digital world truly is… the numbers, the followers, the way people make their lives look…

to actually live my life and make it feel good seemed to be satiated by it looking good.

it wasn’t actually

I was married for ten whole years.

Last October, my divorce became legal. My whole world has turned upside down since we first broke up. It was like I didn’t know who I was.

I just remember how often people would tell us they look up to us… how they dreamed we were their parents… how we were doing such a good job at living life and we were living the dream.

I just remember knowing that somehow those words never matched what I was really feeling.

I wasn’t the best.

You could realistically and understandably say I was really really bad.

I still am.

I’m trying to get better.

I’m trying to be kinder. I’m trying to correct my ways and what I’ve come to know as normal not really being the right way to be.

I’m in my childhood room in North Carolina… feeling more myself than I have ever felt in my entire life. I have good relationships with everyone I used to know. My parents, my siblings, my childhood friends… People I left behind and didn’t care about once I got married and moved away. I’m realizing things about who I was and the ways I had instinctively become in search of “more”.

The world is full of fakes. Don’t be one of them.

I’m trying my best to be more honest, too.

Okay. Love y’all. See ya around (:

Perlizbeth