constant growth

Happy Sunday!

Constant growth is a little redundant. Growth in order to be considered growth must be constant, no? Or maybe that’s just how I see it and have seen it.

I’ve been growing in a lot of ways lately. Ways that I truly haven’t understood until a sizable amount of time has passed and looking back I can go “Woah. You would’ve never been able to handle that before, Beth”. Understanding where I’ve grown has allowed me to be proud of myself. I pat myself on the back a lot lately.

It’s a hard process. Understanding yourself is relevant to your surroundings. A stream of input can cause an override and malfunction in the process. I experience overstimulation and have trouble calming down enough to see myself again. It’s arduous. I think sometimes I’m weak for not being able to take in so much information. But then I think, maybe now I just know where I flourish. I know what environments I thrive in and where I shrink and get stuck, unable to grow.

That’s part of it. It’s definitely you as a person and how much you desire to grow but it’s also your environment. Where you are and who you surround yourself with. These things you have a choice in. I think it is powerful to grow where you are planted. But I’ve felt myself outgrowing my planter. When I left North Carolina, when I’ve left friend groups, when I’ve left different scenes, I’ve felt myself growing out of a situation. Not that I was better than it or I didn’t like those places and people but I felt that it wasn’t where my soul was on fire.

I want my soul to blaze. I want to light up. I want to shine. You can only do that in certain places. The right place at the right time. You can only get there if you’re willing to listen and go where you’re being called.

So, I’m growing a lot.

It’s constant and uncomfortable.

But I like being able to know that I am growing.

Peace and Love,

Perlizbeth