like a tidal wave
Three days.
A lot can happen in three days. This is how long it took for Jesus to be crucified, laid in a tomb, and then risen again. Not to liken myself to that but to really appreciate how long three days is, the past three days for me has been almost unbearable.
I stopped teaching at one of my kid studios to create more space, time, and energy for my music and art. I feel myself drifting from the teaching space. I stopped teaching my class at Xcel on Sundays, too. Things can’t come in if there isn’t any space for them to. So, that’s what I’m practicing with this. It is sad though. I love them a lot and really care about their growth but that’s also where I had to realize my teaching wasn’t as true and full as it usually was. My heart was being pulled in another direction.
Making the space is needed and clarifying but also depressing. I feel like they brought joy to my week regardless of how much time, energy, and space I had to use to teach them. However, change is not always a happy thing. Like Sunday, it can be the most difficult thing. I’m facing it now.
My friend, Georgia, and I wrote a song on Monday night called “Maybe This Time”. It’s a little tune about how we both moved from other states to Atlanta and the big city holds so much potential for our dreams. We took a leap and performed it at Southern Feed Store’s open mic night last night. We weren’t terrible but we were far from perfect. I’m proud we did it. Our little duo is called “Babae” and you can find us on IG @babaemusic!
I’m tackling a lot of trauma I’ve realized about myself and my family. It’s been emotionally heavy and taxing. I feel like it’s choking me. So, I’m trying to work through it. I’m trying not to let it affect my friends but it kinda is. I’m not sure how to keep it from doing that. I pray I can handle it in a way that doesn’t affect others. I guess that’s what my art is for. I’m so used to expressing on my own, in my own way, without anyone else worrying or caring about how I’m actually feeling and then actually listening.
I guess it’s a good thing.
I want so badly to return to my normal.
Stay to myself and keep my things bottled up.
Only express through art.
Even typing it out, I want to do that. It’s safer. It’s not vulnerable.
The emotions feel like a tidal wave and I feel a little like I’m in the middle of it and I don’t know how to swim.
Peace and Love,
Perlizbeth
