I want to stop running. I want to enjoy what is happening right now. I want to look around and be grateful. Constantly. And if I forget to do that… I want to remember and continue enjoying. Who am I to be so ungrateful for what God is gifting to me every second?

It’s rough. I feel like there is no end in sight sometimes. Like, what am I even dreaming? Where am I even going? What am I really meant to be doing and who will I become?

I’ve come too far to not be tested. The test, or the proof rather, confirms I am on the correct path of my journey. There is something to prove. If not, there wouldn’t be proof.

Lately, I’ve been experiencing a lot of familiar situations. I don’t think the situations themselves are the same but my reaction and how I’m feeling are eerily similar. But I want it to end up differently.

I’m working towards a version of myself that is unashamed, unapologetic, and very vulnerable. It’s daunting. It’s scary. But, I know it will be rewarding. It’s what feels right at this moment to work towards.

I believe everything happens for a reason. Nothing we encounter, nothing we do, nothing that happens to us happens for no reason. This is the ripple effect. A small step into a body of water or a tiny shift of dirt can cause a small ripple in movement. This ripple can become larger and larger until it’s a wave or even a tsunami. The more you ripple, the bigger the effect.

It was so scary. Standing up there, not sure how it was going to sound… Not sure if the band would vibe with it. Knowing that I was about to perform a song I wrote at like 8am that same day, I was terrified. I messed up words, chords, basically everything. But it was a feeling I can’t explain or replicate and something I want to experience over and over again.

I am honored to be a child of God. His daughter forever and ever. My trust feels naive but it’s strengthened by His glory. I have so much faith in God’s faith in me. I know that He wouldn’t call me where I’m not supposed to be. So, I feel confident doing things scared. I know that fear will always be present. I’ll be nervous to make decisions forever. I’ll hesitate. But, I’ll still do it.

In these moments, I turn to God. I believe fully in God’s goodness and that every gift of expression I have is a gift from God. To follow this path is to follow God’s plan for my life. To look forward and ignore what other’s may think (including what I may think honestly). Run towards my dreams knowing God’s already set it all in stone for me as I continue.